The Good and the Bad Description: In this assignment, you will review Everyday Conversations from DeVito 6.3, with particular attention to Guidelines for Making Small Talk. You will locate videos on YouTube that demonstrate good and bad examples of people engaging in conversation. Then, you will outline instructions on how to make small talk, make an apology, and give and receive a compliment. You will use the Discussion Board tool so that you can see links from other students.  Objectives: Explore and practice the principles of conversation. Analyze guidelines for making small talk and other aspects of everyday conversation. Instructions: Review Everyday Conversations from DeVito 6.3, with particular attention to Guidelines for Making Small Talk. Locate video on YouTube from popular TV shows or movies that demonstrate a good and bad example of each of the following: making small talk making an apology giving and receiving a compliment Copy and paste the share link into your response. Include the start /stop time the viewer should watching, if not the entire video. Integrating DeVito citations, outline a set of specific instructions on how to make small talk, make an apology, and give and receive a compliment. Each instruction should be 7 to 10 sentences. Everyday Conversations 6.3 Paraphrase the suggestions for making small talk, making introductions, apologizing, and complimenting. Having covered the basic principles of conversation, we can now explore a variety of everyday conversation situations: making small talk, making introductions, apologizing, and complimenting. In reviewing the everyday conversations included here, do realize that not everyone speaks with the fluency and ease that textbooks often assume. Speech and language disorders, for example, can seriously disrupt the conversation process if some elementary guidelines aren’t followed. Here are a few suggestions for communication between people with and without speech and language disorders: Avoid finishing another’s sentences. Finishing the person’s sentences may communicate the idea that you’re impatient and don’t want to spend the extra time necessary to interact effectively. At the same time, if you’re the one who stutters, say, have patience with those who try to finish your sentences; they’re likely just trying to be helpful. Ask for clarification as needed. If you don’t understand what the person said, ask him or her to repeat it. Don’t pretend that you understand when you don’t. Don’t treat people who have language problems like children. A person with aphasia, say, who has difficulty with names or nouns generally, is in no way childlike. Similarly, a person who stutters is not a slow thinker; in fact, stutterers differ from non-stutterers only in their oral fluency. Let the other person know what your special needs are. If you stutter, you might tell others that you have difficulty with certain sounds and so they need to be patient. Small Talk All of us engage in small talk, whether it occurs on an elevator, in a hallway, on Twitter, or on some other social media site. Before reading further, consider your own small talk behavior in the following self-test. Sometimes, you use small talk as a preface to ‘big talk.’ For example, before a conference with your boss or even a job interview, you’re likely to engage in some preliminary small talk. ‘How are you doing?’ ‘I’m pleased this weather has finally cleared up.’ The purpose here is to ease into the major topic, or the big talk. Sometimes, small talk is a politeness strategy and a more extensive way of saying hello as you pass someone in the hallway or meet a neighbor at the post office. You might say, ‘Good seeing you, Jack. You’re looking ready for the big meeting,’ or ‘See you in Geology at 1.’ Sometimes, your relationship with another person revolves totally around small talk, perhaps with your barber or hairdresser, a colleague at work, your next-door neighbor, or a fellow student you sit next to in class. In these relationships, neither person makes an effort to deepen the relationship, and it remains on a small talk level. Despite its name, small talk serves important purposes. One is simply to pass the time more pleasantly than you might in silence. Small talk also demonstrates that the normal rules of politeness are operating. In the United States, for example, you would be expected to smile and at least say hello to people in an elevator in your apartment building, and perhaps at your place of work. Furthermore, small talk confirms to others that all is well with you. Should you scowl and avoid eye contact, you’d signal that something is wrong. Journal Communication CHOICE Point Making Small Talk You’re on an elevator with three other people from your office building. The elevator gets stuck without any indication of when power will go back on. You figure now is the time for small talk. What are some things you might say to make the situation more comfortable? What are the advantages and disadvantages of each choice? What do you say? Small talk topics must be noncontroversial in the sense that they are something about which you and the other person are unlikely to disagree. If a topic is likely to arouse deep emotions or different points of view, then it is probably not a suitable topic for small talk. Small talk is also relatively short in duration. The context in which small talk occurs allows for only a brief interaction. Waiting in line to get into a movie, riding in an elevator, or stopping briefly in the hallway of a school on the way to class are the kinds of occasions that create small talk opportunities. The cocktail party, at which guests are meant to mingle and exchange pleasantries, is perhaps the classic example. Another popular occasion, which is an exception to this short duration characteristic, is sitting next to someone on a long plane flight. Here, the small talk—assuming you keep it to small talk—can last for hours. Sometimes, as explained in the discussion of self-disclosure in Chapter 2, this situation produces a kind of ‘in-flight intimacy’ in which you engage in significant self-disclosure, revealing secrets you normally keep hidden, largely because you know you’ll never see this person again. Guidelines for Effective Small Talk Although ‘small,’ this talk still requires the application of the communication skills for ‘big talk.’ As already noted, remember that the best topics are noncontroversial and that most small talk is relatively brief. Here are a few additional guidelines for more effective small talk. Be positive. No one likes a negative doomsayer. So, comment on the weather when it’s nice; move to another topic when it isn’t. Be sensitive to leave taking cues. Small talk is necessarily brief, but at times one person may want it to be a preliminary to big talk and another person may see it as the sum of the interaction. Stress similarities rather than differences. This is a good way to ensure that the small talk stays noncontroversial. Answer questions with enough elaboration to give the other person information to use to interact with you. The more elaborate answer also signals your willingness to engage in small talk, whereas the simple ‘yes’ response can be interpreted as indicating you don’t want to interact. Avoid monologuing. Listen and be responsive to the other person. Even small talk is two-way and requires each person to talk and each person to listen. Remember the principles of turn-taking and dialogue. Remember that you will be associated with the topics you frequently select to talk about. If all your small talk concerns celebrity relationships, for example, then you might become defined as someone who is only interested in shallow gossip. Introductions Introductions are extremely important, largely because of the long-lasting effects of first impressions. Making introductions of yourself or of others, however, often creates difficulties which are compounded by the simple fact that all situations are unique. Nevertheless, a few general suggestions for making these introductions easier and more comfortable may be offered. Introducing Yourself Here are a few suggestions that will help you introduce yourself to others whether you’re at a club, in the college cafeteria, or at a party. It’s important to remember that first impressions are long lasting and highly resistant to change. When you introduce yourself to someone, you’re giving them a first impression that will influence your future interactions. So, although it is in many ways impersonal and brief, it’s tremendously important. Your first step is to make eye contact and smile so that the person notices. If the other person avoids making eye contact, then this person may not be open to meeting you. If the other person returns eye contact and perhaps a smile, it’s likely that he or she is open to meeting you. After this nonverbal contact, you can make verbal contact simply by saying hello and your first and last name (leave out any middle initials or name). In some situations—especially business situations—you might want to add your connection with the company or with the event, for example, ‘Hi, I’m Joe DeVito from the communication department.’ In some situations, this would be followed by a handshake (see Table 8.4). In the United States, the handshake is the most essential gesture of the introduction and generally follows rather specific rules. In other cultures, different rules operate. For example, in Muslim cultures, people of the same sex hug, but people of the opposite sex do not. In Latin America, South America, and the Mediterranean, people are more likely to hug (and perhaps kiss on the cheek) than are Northern Europeans, Asians, and many from the United States. Given the great Hispanic influence on the United States today, it’s probable that the hug-kiss will grow in general popularity. Asians are more reluctant to extend their hands and more often bow, with lower bows required when people of lower status meet someone of higher status. At the same time that you shake hands, the other person will likely respond similarly, ‘I’m Carol Taylor from computer science.’ At this point, you would probably then talk about the event that you’re both attending. If this is a potentially romantic situation, then this might be followed by a compliment, nothing too personal at this point, for example, ‘I saw you and thought there’s a friendly face and someone I can relate to.’ Throughout this brief introduction, continue to give your full attention to the other person. Be ready to listen more than speak and be ready to use all the other interpersonal skills discussed throughout this text. Introducing Another Person The other half of making introductions is to introduce one person to another. Let’s say you’re with Jack and bump into Jill, who stops to talk. Because they don’t know each other, it’s your job to introduce them. Generally, it’s best to do this simply but with enough detail to provide a context for further interaction. It might go something like this: Jill Williams, this is Jack Smith, who works with me at the firm as marketing manager. I went to college with Jill and, if I’m not mistaken, she has just returned from Hawaii. With this introduction, Jack and Jill can say something to each other based on the information provided in this brief (32-word) introduction. They can talk about working at XYZ, what it’s like being a marketing manager, what Jill majored in, what Hawaii is like, what Jill did in Hawaii, and so on. If you simply said, ‘Jill, this is Jack,’ there would be almost nothing for Jack and Jill to talk about. Also, if you know that the two people have something in common, you might mention this—for example, Jack is also a native New Yorker or Jill is also a marathon runner. This will help to ease the communication between Jack and Jill, and is likely to make the interaction more meaningful and satisfying. If you’re unsure about what to reveal in your introduction, it’s best to leave it out. The safest policy is to include only obviously public information. Avoid repeating things either of the individuals might have disclosed to you in confidence or that might be kept hidden from outsiders. Introducing Jack as ‘soon to be single’ may reveal more than Jack would like. When one of the people being introduced has a right hand that is disabled in some way, the general rule is that if one person shakes hands with other people in the group, he or she should also shake hands with the person who has a disability. The person with a disabled right hand is free to use the left hand in most cultures, although in some cultures the left hand is considered unclean. As you can imagine, cultural differences may create intercultural difficulties and misunderstandings. For example, if you shake hands in a culture that hugs and kisses, you may appear standoffish. If you hug and kiss in a culture that is used to shaking hands, you may seem presumptuous and overly friendly. Generally, a man is introduced to a woman rather than the woman to the man. Similarly, the lower ranking person—say, in a business organization, in the military, or in a police department—is introduced to the higher-ranking person. When the people are of opposite sex, rank trumps gender—the lower ranking person, regardless of gender, is introduced to the one of higher rank. The best advice is to watch what the people of the culture you’re in do and try to do likewise. At the same time, don’t get upset if members of other cultures unknowingly ‘violate’ your own culture’s rituals. After all, one ritual is no more inherently logical or correct than any other. Apologies Despite your best efforts, there are times when you’ll say or do the wrong thing and it may be necessary to offer an apology—an expression of regret or sorrow for having done what you did or for what happened, a statement that says you’re sorry. And so, the most basic of all apologies is simply to say ‘I’m sorry.’ In popular usage, the apology includes some admission of wrongdoing on the part of the person making the apology. Sometimes the wrongdoing is acknowledged explicitly (‘I’m sorry I lied’) and sometimes only by implication (‘I’m sorry you’re so upset’). In many cases the apology also includes a request for forgiveness (‘Please excuse me for being late’) and some assurance that this won’t happen again (‘Please forgive my lateness; it won’t happen again’). An effective apology must be crafted for the specific situation. An effective apology to a longtime lover, to a parent, or to a new supervisor are likely to be very different because the individuals are different and your relationships are different. And so the first rule of an effective apology is to take into consideration the uniqueness of the situation—the people, the context, the cultural rules, the relationship, the specific wrongdoing—for which you might want to apologize. Each situation will call for a somewhat different message of apology. Nevertheless, we can offer some general recommendations. Admit wrongdoing (if indeed wrongdoing occurred). Accept responsibility. Take ownership of your actions; don’t try to pass them off as the work of someone else. Instead of ‘Smith drives so slow, it’s a wonder I’m only 30 minutes late,’ say ‘I should have taken traffic into consideration.’ Be apologetic. Say (and mean) the words I’m sorry. Don’t justify your behavior by mentioning that everyone does it. For example, don’t say ‘Everyone leaves work early on Friday.’ And don’t justify your behavior by saying that the other person has done something equally wrong: ‘So I play poker; you play the lottery.’ Be specific. State, in specific rather than general terms, what you’ve done. Instead of ‘I’m sorry for what I did,’ say ‘I’m sorry for flirting at the party.’ Empathize. Express understanding of how the other person feels and acknowledge the legitimacy of these feelings: ‘You have every right to be angry; I should have called.’ Express your regret that this has created a problem for the other person: ‘I’m sorry I made you miss your appointment.’ Don’t minimize the problem that this may have caused. Avoid comments such as ‘So the figures arrived a little late. What’s the big deal?’ Give assurance that this will not happen again. Say, quite simply, ‘It won’t happen again’ or, better and more specifically, ‘I won’t be late again.’ And, whenever possible, offer to correct the problem: ‘I’m sorry I didn’t clean up the mess I made; I’ll do it now.’ Avoid excuses. Be wary of including excuses with your apology: ‘I’m sorry the figures are late, but I had so much other work to do.’ An excuse often takes back the apology and says, in effect, I’m really not sorry because there was good reason for what I did, but I’m saying ‘I’m sorry’ to cover all my bases and to make this uncomfortable situation go away. Choose the appropriate channel. Don’t take the easy way out and apologize through e-mail (unless the wrongdoing was committed in e-mail or if e-mail is your only or main form of communication). Generally, it’s more effective to use a more personal mode of communication—face-to-face or phone, for example. It’s harder but it’s more effective. A compliment is a message of praise, flattery, or congratulations. It can be expressed in face-to-face interaction or on social media sites when, for example, you retweet someone’s post or indicate ‘like’ or ‘+1’ or when you comment on a blog post. The compliment functions like a kind of interpersonal glue; it’s a way of relating to another person with positiveness and immediacy. It’s also a conversation starter: ‘I like your watch; may I ask where you got it?’ Another purpose the compliment serves is to encourage the other person to compliment you—even if not immediately (which often seems inappropriate). Compliments can be unqualified or qualified. The unqualified compliment is a message that is purely positive: ‘Your paper was just great, an A.’ The qualified message is not entirely positive: ‘Your paper was great, an A; if not for a few problems, it would have been an A+.’ You might also give a qualified compliment by qualifying your own competence: ‘That song you wrote sounded great, but I really don’t know anything about music.’ Compliments are sometimes difficult to give and even more difficult to respond to without discomfort or embarrassment. Here are some guidelines. Some interpersonal watchers recommend that you compliment people for their accomplishments rather than for who they are or for things over which they have no control. And so it would be appropriate to compliment others on their clear writing but not on their beautiful green eyes. With this recommendation in mind, what are some of the things that might be appropriately complimented in the workplace? What would be some of the things that would be inappropriate to compliment in the workplace? Giving a Compliment Here are a few suggestions for giving a compliment: Be real and honest. Say what you mean and refrain from giving compliments you don’t believe in. They’ll probably sound insincere. Compliment in moderation. A compliment that is too extreme (for example, ‘That’s the best decorated apartment I’ve ever seen in my life’) may be viewed as dishonest. Similarly, don’t compliment at every possible occasion; if you do, your compliments will seem too easy to win and not really meaningful. Be totally complimentary; avoid qualifying your compliments. If you hear yourself giving a compliment and then adding but or however, stop and rethink what you are going to say. Many people will remember the qualification rather than the compliment, and it will instead feel like a criticism. Be specific. Direct your compliment at something specific rather than something general. Instead of saying, ‘I liked your story,’ you might say, ‘I liked your story—it made me realize something I had forgotten. …’ Be personal in your own feelings.—’Your song really moved me; it made me recall so many good times.’ But don’t be personal about the other person: ‘Your hair looks so natural; is that a weave or a toupee?’ Receiving a Compliment In receiving a compliment, people generally take either one of two options: denial or acceptance. Many people deny the compliment (‘It’s nice of you to say, but I know I was terrible’), minimize it (‘It isn’t like I wrote the great American novel; it was just an article that no one will read’), change the subject (‘So, where should we go for dinner?’), or say nothing. Each of these responses denies the legitimacy of the compliment. Accepting the compliment is a much better alternative. An acceptance might be communicated in three ways: (1) just smile, with eye contact—avoid looking at the floor, (2) simply say ‘thank you,’ and (3) offer a personal reflection in which you explain (very briefly) why the compliment is important to you (‘I really appreciate your comments; I worked hard on the project and it’s great to hear it was effective’). https://online.vitalsource.com/reader/books/9780134877303/epubcfi/6/102[%3Bvnd.vst.idref%3DP700 101545400000000000000000161C]!/4/2[P700101545400000000000000000161C]/16[P7001015454000 0000000000000016DD]/14[P70010154540000000000000000016FB]/4[P7001015454000000000000000 0016FD]/1:660[efl%2Cect] Reference DeVito, J. A. (2020). Essentials of Human Communication (10th ed.). Pearson. Pts Writing Assignments Rubric (1) Criteria Ideas are clear, insightful, thought- provoking, and focused so that Assignment they consistently support the Ideas topic.thesis and audience for the paper. 10.0 pts Ratings Ideas are clear and focused to support the topic and a clearly- stated central idea, but are not consistently insightful or thought- provoking. 8.5 pts Ideas are clear but conventional or general, and support the topic, thesis and audience for the paper. 7.0 pts Ideas are unclear or clichéd and demonstrate a lack of focus in support of the topic or a central idea, which may be vague or missing 5.0 pts 10.0 pts Assignment Development Development is fresh, with abundant details and examples that arouse audience interest and provide relevant, concrete specific and insightful evidence in support of sound logic 10.0 pts Development is adequate, but may lack depth, with details and examples that arouse audience interest and provide relevant, concrete, specific evidence in support of sound logic 8.5 pts Development is sufficient but general providing adequate but perhaps not interesting details examples and evidence that include no logical fallacies or unsupported claims. 7.0 pts Development is insufficient providing scarce or inappropriate details, evidence, and examples that 10.0 pts may include logical fallacies or unsupported claims. 5.0 pts Organization Organization is coherent, unified and effective in support of the paper’s purpose/ plan and consistently demonstrates effective and appropriate rhetorical transitions between ideas and paragraphs. 10.0 pts Organization is coherent, unified and effective in support of the paper’s purpose/ plan and usually demonstrates effective and appropriate rhetorical transitions between ideas and paragraphs 8.5 pts Organization is coherent and unified overall in support of the essay’s purpose/plan, but is ineffective at times and may demonstrate abrupt or weak transitions between ideas or paragraphs. 7.0 pts Organization is confused and fragmented in support of the essay’s purpose/ plan and demonstrates a lack of structure or coherence that negatively affects readability 5.0 pts 10.0 pts Style & Mechanics Readable and rhetorically effective in tone. incorporating varied sentence structure, precise word choice and correct grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Mastery of style) 10.0 pts Style is readable and rhetorically effective in tone, incorporating varied sentence structure, effective word choice, and correct grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Effective style) Style is readable, but unremarkable in tone, sometimes including a lack of sentence variety effective word choice, or some distracting, but not serious, errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Readable but inconsistent style 7.0 pts Style is incoherent or inappropriate in tone, including a lack of sentence variety ineffective or inappropriate word choice, and serious errors in grammar, spelling and punctuation. (Ineffective style) 5.0 pts 10.0 pts 8.5 pts Format Format is correct, meets all assignment directions, and works expertly to support the essay’s purpose/plan. 10.0 pts Format is correct, meets all assignment directions, and works generally to support the essay’s purpose/plan. 8.5 pts Format is mostly correct, meets critical aspects of assignment directions, and works mostly to support the essay’s purpose/plan. 7.0 pts Format is faulty, does not meet sufficient aspects of the assignment direction, and does not 10.0 pts support the essay’s purpose/ plan. 5.0 pts Total Points: 50.0 Purchase answer to see full attachment Explanation & Answer: 7 Sentences Tags: unfamiliar people forms of friendship small talk sufficient elaboration simple elements Student has agreed that all tutoring, explanations, and answers provided by the tutor will be used to help in the learning process and in accordance with Studypool’s honor code & terms of service.